Archive for March, 2014

“Bambi’s mom and siblings were killed, when a stupid, drunk, homophobic, redneck-neighbor drove into the yard, crushing Bambi’s family, before crashing into the barn.

Ever since they moved to the country, the obnoxious fool of a neighbor became increasingly troublesome. He’d drink himself into a fever, then come to their farm, stopping just short of the property line.
From the road, he’d holler obscenities. The vulgarity that came out of his good, “Christian”, heterosexual mouth, was just awful.

This time, he failed to stop at the end of the drive.
Swerving wildly, he finally stopped, when he slammed into the barn.
The side of the barn where Bambi, her mom and siblings were playing.
The stupid hick behind the wheel of the car, passed-out, “…probably even before he got to your driveway,” the Sheriff told the farmer.

The farmer and her wife didn’t know what to do, exactly, for the poor little surviving duckling. They called this lone duckling, “Bambi” (After the Walt Disney Bambi…who lost a parent, too.)

With the local veterinarian’s help, and guidance from their other neighbor, who acted like a real Christian, the farmer and her wife were able to save little Bambi, and became Bambi’s surrogate mothers.

Yet, they could not coax the little bird to hop in the pond–or to swim, or dive, or float. Ducky-things that ducks are supposed to do.

Each day, they would try, but nothing worked. Finally, the farmer’s wife told the farmer to bring a water basin, with water in it. Bambi was curious, and saw her reflection. But she could not bring herself to make friends with the water.

The farmer and her wife waited.
Ready with their cameras, they waited.

Forty minutes later, a splash! Bambi did it, as her two moms cheered her on: “We knew you could! We knew you could!”
It was a grand moment, indeed.


“Sisters Victoria and Marguerite did not want to make their First Holy Communion. Not like this! Such a fuss for what should be a sacred and private matter. Not a spectacle.

How the girls felt, had nothing at all to do with G_d, Jesus, the Holy Ghost or even the Virgin, Mary. They resented being forced to participate in a ceremony they believed missed the point of first communion, entirely,

Victoria and Marguerite’s parents, the nuns–all agreed the girls’ First Communion was awkwardly over-due. Both should have had their First Communions in the second grade, just as all the other children at St. Peter’s. They did not, because they moved around too much. Now that they were ‘settled’–according to their mom, it was time.

The 5th grader, Victoria, scowled, miserable in her sacrificial-white, hand-me-down dress. It belonged to the eldest sister, Mary Linda, who wore the dress at her First Communion. The painful ordeal worsened because of the dress, too tight and sleeves too short.

The third grader, Marguerite–the plump one–was feeling especially plump and out-of-place: surrounded by second-graders and their parents, who whispered about why they were just now making their First Communion.

Afterwards, they would go home, have a party to celebrate their communion-y-ness, with a yellow box-cake topped with bad, home-made powdered-sugar frosting.
Dad would drink a case of beer, Mom would pretend life was good.

Victoria and Marguerite would change out of their dresses, and play down by the creek.

Victoria would be Jesus, and Marguerite would be a sinner to be baptized. It was just play, but this play made them feel much closer to G_d than old, white dresses and little pieces of round, tasteless bread, dipped in sour wine.

“Eat Me! It’s cool…” said the apple, to Eve…

(…the rest is history!)

“Tommy did not want a bath! “Bath-time” meant, “soon to bed”!
He sneaked into the cabinet, Much to kitty’s dread!

He dared not move a muscle. He hoped he wouldn’t sneeze!
Tommy did not know how still–He could keep his knees!

He saw his mother’s legs go past–Calling out his name.
She warned him that he must stop–Playing silly games!

The kitty started meowing–she wanted to get out.
Finally Mommy came to see–What kitty fussed about.

She was not so very mad, When she saw her boy–
Crammed into the cupboard, looking very coy!

Into the bathtub Tommy went, then put his jammies on;
Mommy tucked him into bed, And as she did, he yawned.

The kitty jumped upon the bed, And found a nice spot to lay.
Both Tommy and the kitty knew, it was time to hit the hay.”

“1952: Life Magazine featured Jimmy, the roller-skating horse, in their back-feature “Miscellany” section. The nation fell in love.

JImmy, the Horse, stood-out from other horses, since his birth: all white, except for a most unusual dark “bib” on his chest, which Life Magazine aptly described as looking like a “baseball chest-protector”. Also, Jimmy had–get this–blue eyes.

What was Albert McAlexander of Carysville, Ohio, to do with a horse who looked like Jimmy? What does any parent think, in the 40’s & 50’s, when they have something of a potential side-show on their hands? McAlexander fretted about what to do with the four-legged darling. He quickly became fond of his keep, and did not wish to exploit or sell him.
Albert McAlexander of Carysville, Ohio, loved Jimmy. As a parent loves a child, really. He had little resources, Mr. McAlexander. Not a wealthy man.
Feeding a horse is costly. Feeding a horse nobody who deals in horses would want, other than perhaps a circus or side-show, or for meat. What, he wondered, was he to do?

He couldn’t abide handing him over to a butcher, or sell Jimmy to those horrible Circus-Animal Masters, who would come to town snooping for ‘treasures’ for their damnable side-shows. These parasites of humanity would come to rural towns, offering to relieve poor, struggling farmers of their “creature oddities”–to include any children who might be sufficiently disfigured or handicapped. These vile men and women who sought such creatures as Jimmy, were notoriously cruel and abusive. McAlexander would have none of it.

But he needed to make money to feed Jimmy, and the rest of his animals, not too mention his family. Then, a Miracle happened. Yessirree, Bob!

First, he discovered Jimmy was not quite like other horses he knew, not only in appearance. Jimmy would do uncanny impressions of people he’d see. When Mrs. McAlexander thought Ralph the cat was gone for good–(Ralph always strayed)–but returned home safely, Jimmy watched as Mrs. A dropped to her knees in prayer, praising G_d for kitty’s safe return.
Shortly thereafter, when Mr. Alexander was done working, and returned home, Jimmy the horse would do a little prance, whinny a bit, then drop to HIS knees, as if praising G_d for his return! Yes. I know…very curious, indeed.

Then, McAlexander noticed Jimmy’s unusual fascination of neighboring children, as they rolled past the McAlexander’s on roller-skates. Jimmy would stop what he was doing, and follow the rolling children making their way down the dirt road. The children thought it very amusing. McAlexander overheard the children remarking that they’d bet if Jimmy had rollerskates, he’d skate with them. Well. What a thought!

So, McAlexander fashioned some rollerskates, just for Jimmy the Horse.

It was awkward for about 5 minutes, and then Jimmy was off and on his own. A star was born.”